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A Most Unusual Dental Intervention

Dec 23, 2013

Last week Eben Scourge came home with a terrible toothache and generally miffed at the world. Unhappy at work and troubled by declining oral health, it was not a wonderful life.

At midnight Eben had encountered his late Uncle Elias who had given him the dickens about neglecting his oral health. Elias explained he had been sent to warn his nephew about neglecting his oral health as penance for abandoning his own and he warned Eben not to make the same mistake.

Uncle Elias told Eben he would be visited that night by 3 spirits, with the first arriving at 1 a.m...

The first visitor of the night waits patiently outside Eben’s bedroom, which should be as quiet as a mouse. But who could hear anything with Eben sawing logs like the dickens, the visitor observes. (Knock, knock)

On the third set of knock-knocks Eben rouses himself. “What…who is it?” Eben asks crossly, rubbing his eyes while staring at his bedroom door. 

“Can I come in?” the visitor asks.

“Depends. Who are you?”

"I am the Ghost of Dental Past,” the visitor explains patiently.

“Whose past?” Eben demands.

“Your past, but if you don’t open this door right now we can make the present past tense real quick, comprehende?”

Eben groans before hoisting himself out of bed. Opening the door sleepily, he jumps back in fright at the image in front of him. Laughing boisterously, the Ghost of Dental Past lowers the mirror he’d been holding reflecting Eben’s image.

“That never gets old,” Dental Past chuckles.

“Who are you?” Eben inquires while looking the apparition up and down warily.

“We’ve already established that,” his visitor says. "Pay attention, will you? I’m the Ghost of Dental Past, or GDP.  Look, traffic is really bad out there tonight so I’ve got to give you the micro-tour, okay?”

“Micro-tour? Of what?” Eben asks.

Sighing, GDP rolls his eyes. “Dental Past? Hello, is there anyone in there? “GDP asks sarcastically while rapping on Eben’s head.  

Snapping his fingers, GDP and Eben are suddenly transported to Eben’s living room and his 60” high-def TV. Grabbing a remote from his robe, GDP starts pressing buttons until the screen fills with the image of a little boy sitting in a dental chair.

“Good boy,” the dentist says while clapping Eben’s shoulders. “No cavities, again.”

“Why, that’s me,” Eben exclaims. Nodding wordlessly, GDP proceeds to fast-forward to various images of a young Eben brushing and flossing his teeth at home, then an older Eben smiling brightly at junior high schoolgirls, high-fiving his childhood dentist, and finally a high school yearbook photo of Eben captioned, “Most Winsome Smile.”

"Okay,” do you see a general theme here?”  GDP asks, looking Eben directly in the eye.

“Ask not what your teeth can do for you, but what can you do for your teeth?” Eben grins before wincing at the pain from his diseased tooth.

“No, but thanks for playing,” GDP says.  “Looks like you aren’t ready for the truth yet. I gotta go, but perhaps GPP will have better luck,” he said while standing. 

“GPP?” Eben asks. “Who’s that? “Ghost of Present Pearlies,” his visitor says. He’ll be with you next.”

Nodding toward the bathroom, GDP whispered to Eben, “You may want to brush your teeth before he gets here. And a little mouthwash wouldn’t hurt either.”

Next thing Eben knew the chime on his fireplace mantle struck 2 o’clock. Opening his eyes a crack he saw he was back in his bedroom. Plumping his pillow, he glanced around but nothing looked amiss.   

“Hey,” said a form propped up on one elbow from the other pillow.

“Argghhh!” Eben yelped before half rising, half falling out of bed.  “Wh, wh, who the heck are you?” Eben asked, crouching alongside his bed, peering across the mattress.

“Why, I’m GPP. You know, the Ghost of Present Pearlies.”

Okaaay,” Eben said slowly. “What can I do for you?”

“Ahh, it’s not what you can do for me, but what you can do for yourself,” GPP said soberly. “What happened to the regular brushing, flossing, and mouth rinsing you used to do? Not to mention our records indicate you've gone AWOL on several dental visits.”

“I stay pretty busy with work and stuff,” Eben tells GPP.

“Uh, huh,” GPP says sternly. “I’m sure the two minutes recommended to brush twice daily puts a serious crimp in your lifestyle.  And do you even remember how long it’s been since your last dental visit?”

Shrugging, Eben said, “I know it’s been awhile, but dental visits can be expensive so I try to save money and wait until I have a reason to go.”

“The dickens you say,” GPP says, his voice rising. "Do you wait until the oil light comes on in your car to get your oil changed? Or do you wait until your stomach grumbles before fixing something to eat?”

“Well, no,” Eben admits. “But that’s different.”

“No, it isn’t,” GPP says. “Waiting to see a dentist until you experience pain is actually more expensive in the long haul, and can cause irreparable damage to your teeth and your oral health. Serious oral problems like gum disease and oral cancer are often detected in routine dental exams.

"I’ve seen the poor souls that haven’t taken responsibility for their teeth seriously, and you my friend are on a fast train to periodontal purgatory unless you mend your ways now. Fortunately for you, I’ve consulted with the Ghost of Future Dental and he tells me that it’s not too late for you to save your tooth if you act today.”

“You mean it’s not too late for me to keep this tooth?” Eben said hopefully.

“Not if you hurry and enroll in a no-wait dental plan and get yourself to a dentist ASAP. I’d recommend ordering directly through They’re fast, reliable and we’ve heard a lot of good things about them,” GPP says.

“Sold,” Eben says. “If I do this, do I still have to meet with the Ghost of Future Dental?”

“No, he’s kind of tied up with politicians right now.  There is a major foot-in-the-mouth epidemic going on in Washington and he’s predicting that's going to keep him pretty busy for the foreseeable future.”

Agent-Straight Talk wants to wish all our readers a wonderful holiday season, and we look forward to sharing much more with you in 2014!

Copyright 2013 Bloom Insurance Agency, LLC© 

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